Duration 3:56
Not Liking One's Looks
Published 4 Nov 2015
Many of us inhabit bodies and faces that don’t look as we feel they should. It’s one of the most painful aspects of being human. Here are a few minutes of consolation and wisdom. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/6O8hWZ If you are feeling suicidal there is help out there, the samaritans offer free confidential help: http://bit.ly/2dXF4t1 FURTHER READING “Frustration with one’s appearance is an embarrassing – but, in truth, highly serious and valid – pain. Mature, reasonable people are not supposed to go around regretting their nose or hair. Yet you gaze in the bathroom mirror and think: why – in my brief existence on this planet – does that have to be me?...” You can read more on this and many other topics on our blog TheBookofLife.org: https://goo.gl/h1LD7Q MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://goo.gl/pYzCLS More films on SELF in our playlist below: http://bit.ly/TSOLself Do you speak a different language to English? Did you know you can submit Subtitles on all of our videos on YouTube? For instructions how to do this click here: https://goo.gl/Dj88KI SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Luiz Stockler https://vimeo.com/luizstockler #TheSchoolOfLife
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i' mpleasing. 2459
2. I have no clue what you mean by that. If you try to go with the idea that beauty is just the surface of who the person actually is, then i agree. But it is stated in such an odd way. It seems to be: #39; go with someone who appreciates your beauty more' my response would be: why? Isn' t that just as shallow as only accepting someone on their appearance? The ugly guy shown in the video might be a dick, while the pretty one isn' t. Still better to give your boon to the ugly one?
3. Sure, you try to subconsciously go for those who are similar to your parents. Or not of course. It isn' t a rule set in stone.
it' s also subconscious, as stated. You don' t actively seek out these things, you just ' are' attracted to these features. How could you ' rely on ugly parents'
i can imagine someone asking around for pictures of the parents of potential dates. Awkward.
4. So. Fat/ugly shaming is bad, because it isn' t a democratic process and ugly people might see the beauty more in yourself. Unless it' s the rich or the powerful. Then, of course, you should pull yourself up by their misfortune of being the way they are.
wut?
5. Also, not a rule set in stone. Plenty that were ugly and stayed ugly their entire life. Sure, people change over time and might change to something you think is uglier or nicer. So what? How does this make someone better ' now' being an atheist, i' ll just say this: i could hope for a heaven as much as i want, but without evidence to show that it exists, why should i expect there to be one? This is pretty much the same. Sitting on my ass expecting to be pretty eventually doesn' t change reality.
i don' t see how this helps anyone.
6. Stating before that we subconsciously look at certain aspects of someones appearance and ending up liking what we see, shows that won' t work. You can appreciate certain parts of someones appearance more, you might end up liking these aspects more over time. But the genuine liking part is still subconscious. You cannot force yourself to enjoy something you don' t enjoy
look, i get it. There are a lot of people who have a lot of problems with how they look. Here' s the thing tho, you can only do two things: change as much as possible, but it' ll be hard and costs money. But you might not like the end result or simply will never be happy. So, the other one is simply accept it.
i accept that i look the way i do. I know i' m not mister perfect and quite frankly, i don' t give a shit. The things i do want to change, which i know i can change and have the means to, i will change. Other than that, i rather go with charm. Because that' s one thing you haven' t touched upon, which i believe is massively more important than any of these points. Ugly or not, you can be charming. The way you interact with someone is massively more important then the way you look, when it comes to attracting someone.
someones appearance is just something that initially triggers the most basic of our instincts. The way we look indicate how successful ' our' offspring will be, but it isn' t the only thing that indicates this. Someone safe, someone you can trust and rely on, someone that will stand by you through everything and has the means to stand in life on his or her own attracts people as well.
yeah, i know it' s hard. It means becoming confident, despite everything. But you know, that' s what life is. It' s a struggle. A hard one. Thankfully you' re not alone out there. The world is full of people that are more than willing to help you out becoming the best that you can be
my point is, confidence in yourself goes a long way with how you see yourself:
on how lacking i was in the but once i realized they were right, i quickly developed toxic shame, avoidant personality disorder, anorexia and
chronic, lifelong depression. And now, at age 41, i never leave the house because i can' t stand being around other
people who constantly judge me for the way i was born.
i haven' t had a job in nearly 20 years, never had a relationship or been intimate with anyone, and i spend my days hiding
away from the world i don' t belong in. I go outside perhaps once every 6 months if there' s some obligation i simply
cannot escape and must attend to, but if nothing requires me being there, i stay alone indefinitely.
i have no problem appreciating the beauty in others, no matter what they look like.
but fat lot of good that' s doing
you' re lying. 152
it does not matter if im short or tall
if i have skinny legs or if my hips are wide
it only matters who i a blue eyes black eyes brown or green
what makes me beautiful cannot be seen
when you see me dont judge my parts
the best thing about me is my heart
one day you will look back and see
i am just perfect just being me
people are swayed by the visual, and our eyes can lie to us, and make us make illogical decisions based on what they perceive as beautiful merely by sight
when i was a child i was not at all satisfied with my face it looked incorrect and bad, but once i got halfway through my teen years my face had matured it looked more correct. I did like how other people my age looked though
im pretty, but when it comes to people my age i dont get any compliments what so ever.
so. Am i pretty or are these older people just saying this so i dont feel bad because im really ugly?
i may just be over thinking but its always been a thought ive had
i was in 11th grade when i met him. My first thought
i got used to talking to him most days, even if we only said hello. But, suddenly, in 12th grade, everything changed. I passed him in the school hallway and said hi as i did. He didn' t respond. He just looked ahead and kept walking. My heart broke. I literally had a pain in my chest because i thought he was ignoring me. That was the moment i realized he was so much more than a friend to me.
long story short, he wasn' t ignoring me, he just didn' t hear me. And he' d had a huge crush on me since he met me. That very day, i changed seats to sit right next to him in class and. Well, made my feelings known. We' ve been together for going on 6 years now and i' m even more in love with him than ever. And his looks honestly had nothing to do with my attraction to him. It was his personality, his character, else that i can' t quite put my finger on. Some voice or intuition told me that he was the one and it was right. If he hadheard me that day. I shudder to think of what i may have missed out on.
so, like the video says, don' t worry so much about looks. everyonehas features they would like to change, but you never know if your soulmate loves that feature (for example, my husband has a rather large nose - everyone teases him about it - but i love it. It makes him. Well, him)
:
there are factors that i didnt think about that could influence the way other people think about my appearance.
motivates to try to change it.
its a whole string of " the grapes are sour" arguments. 8
i have a better sense of self now: 13
also: things u do on ur daily basis in some way change ur outer (and of course maybe more importantly: ur that means if u r one of those persons that always is angry and unfriendly ur outer self will (most likely) look like u r that kind of person . And ull attract ppl like that. Ashes to ashes etc
so u can at least somewhat change what u " look like"